Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
