jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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