I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
