dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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