I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
