i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
