do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
