did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
