Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
