I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
