If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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