I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
