i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
