so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
