dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
