Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
