I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
