I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
