ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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