You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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