Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
