You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
