she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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