she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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