I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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