i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
