I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
