Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
