He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
