FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
