its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
