You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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