So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
