im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
