I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
