why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
