When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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