With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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