I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
