Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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