Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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