part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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