Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
