kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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