I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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