the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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