I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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