so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
