Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
