I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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