Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
